![]() ![]() “Reassure your oldest that you have enough love for her and your new baby.” Make an effort to spend some one-on-one time with your eldest once the second or third child arrives. “These emotions are normal, and voicing them is better than keeping them bottled up inside.” Since your firstborn is more likely to feel pressured to be perfect, make a special effort to assure him that he has your unconditional love, she says. 1 - and now they’re not.” Parenting Tips for Oldest ChildrenĮncourage your oldest to speak up about any feelings of anger or jealousy he may have about his sibling(s), advises Wallace. At some point, they’re ‘dethroned.’ They were once No. “When the second child is born, the oldest may exhibit some troublesome behavior, because they’re feeling displaced by a younger sibling,” explains Wallace. The oldest child is often a leader and might also feel more pressure to be perfect, she adds. “The firstborn tends to be very bossy, has to make all the decisions, and must feel like he’s No. Oldest Child Typical Traits of Oldest Children Consider these typical characteristics of children born to different birth positions and how you can parent each child effectively. And that helps level the playing field a bit when it comes to making sure each child gets what he or she needs. Parenting according to a child’s order of birth can help parents be aware of what they could be doing more of. “They need to feel that connection, because time equals attention, which equals love.” ![]() “You just want to try to make sure that each one has enough of you,” says Wallace. “Whenever you have a situation of people sharing resources, it’s difficult to make sure that everybody feels confident and equally loved.” But of course, as any parent knows, you can’t be equally attentive to all your children, every minute. “Family life is hard and complicated, because you have children sharing the resources, love, and attention of the parents,” says Wallace. They went to my school events and they drove me to friends’ houses and sleepovers. Both parents took me to sports practices and attended nearly every game. But my parents did a good job of trying to balance their time with us. His punishments always seemed more lenient when he acted up. I also remember thinking that my younger brother got away with a lot more. ![]() This was probably because it was the first child doing something new. My parents seemed nervous about everything my older sister did. I don’t have any memories that specific about being “left out.” However, I think I did try to keep the peace, follow the rules, and bridge the relationship between my older sister and younger brother. One little girl said to me, ‘At nighttime, dad is reading to my older brother, mom is taking care of the baby, and I sit in the hallway on a chair and wait.’” The Balancing Act of Parenthood When I wrote Birth Order Blues, I interviewed lots of kids and adults to learn their experiences. The middle child gets lost in the shuffle. “Often, you may have an older sibling who is always doing new things and requires a lot of the family’s attention, and you have the younger sibling who requires a lot of help and attention. “A child who’s clamoring for attention might be labeled as having ‘middle child syndrome,’” adds Wallace. ![]()
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